I start treatment today.
And I’m more scared than I thought I’d be.
And I’ve been super scared all weekend for it.
This weekend was a family weekend – my mom and step-dad picked me up Friday morning (and proceeded to wait for me to pack because I’m a procrastinator) and we made the drive to Binghamton, NY where my Aunt Sheila, cousin Shawn, and Jess (his wife) live. We met up for a lovely dinner and settled back in the hotel room. Where all I could do was sleep. I had no interest in anything else. Saturday was Jess’s baby shower (they’re having a little girl! eep!) where we ate delicious food, drank wine, played a few baby shower games, and watched Jess open up the myriad of gifts for little Liliana Rose. I tried to be present for all of this – but honestly couldn’t be. I wanted to be at the park with my friends celebrating Bicycle Day…not in a room with 20 other women “oooohing” and “aaaahhhing” over a baby. Still, I was happy overall albeit quiet. We returned to the hotel room and I took a nap. I woke up and we ate dinner. Then I went to bed.
It was then that I realized Sleep was my channel for the weekend. Sunday came and with it was Easter. I went to enjoy the continental breakfast by myself (happily, mind you, I love a morning with reading and food alone) and returned to a little gift basket on my bed. I opened it up and found a collection of keys with different words – Faith, Love, Hope, Peace, Dreams, Success.